Overwhelmed barely describes what I’m feeling lately. I’ve realized that the tragedy of 9/11 was just the tip of the melting iceberg. My fight for truth has been momentarily suppressed by a dominating force of helplessness. I willingly seek out information at the risk of being defeated by the truth. I need some time to sort out the latest lies. I’m constantly assessing the validity of stories told by talking heads. Through sleepy eyes I witness the breakdown of the illusion. I see the walls of my world crumble leaving me choking on their dust. I even long for the security of a false reality; a simpler time. Meanwhile I’m met face to face with the raw knowledge of life. But at the same time I’m grateful for the awkening I’ve been experiencing for some time now. Why does enlightenment feel so heavy? I guess the end of the journey is when I stop carrying the weight of the world and let it float by.
I’ve spoken about vibes and frequencies that I pick up on in my environment, especially the last few years when I began to open my mind’s eye to the unsettling events of this new millennium. One opened door leads to another. The feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop is increasingly intense. The heroes are actors, the leaders are liars, and the people are pawns in this universe game. I will pursue my mission of awakening, not just within myself but in others around me. The goal is the same but the process I must tweak. I’m trading in my fight for a balance between control and surrender. I envision a sort of dance, knowing when to take the lead and when to follow and observe. As I go further and further through this fog of reality I begin to feel my rage turn to grace, my fear turn to understanding, and my grief turn to acceptance. Don’t misinterpret my new approach as giving up. It’s simply a way of allowing the forces of nature to carry me until I can fly on my own.